Ok, this has been stewing in my brain for quite a while. I'm sorry, but I just can't get over it. The name "fatwood" just really bugs the hell out of me. I mean, the first time I ever heard it I thought it was something from the movie Deliverance. I just had this picture in my head of that rapist guy in the movie saying "Now I want you to squeal like a pig while you're picking up that pile of fatwood!"
It's also not fair to the wood. I mean come on, how would you like to be handsome, flammable and full of beautiful resins and just be called "fatwood?" Shouldn't we call it overweightwood, big people wood or even plus-sized wood? Wouldn't this be the right thing to do?
It's gotten so bad that the International Fatwood Association lodged a complaint with Washington yesterday and plans to start an Occupy Fatwood movement until the name is changed. It could be violent folks. Imagine when the cops move in to try and beat the fatwooders and all of them ignite their 5 trillion tons of fatwood at once? Washington as we know it could dissapear in a puff of smoke. What started the complaint was a nasty photo circulated by the Hardwood Association showing what they believed was a typical fatwooder based on the name:
The fatwooders thought they looked perfectly fine the way they were, not like fatwood man. What a travesty of justice.
So I say change the name already. Call it "resinwood" or the old term "pitchwood." Fatwood has suffered long enough under such a discriminatory name and we owe it to the wood to give it the dignity it deserves before we light it on fire and then laugh our arses off as it turns into another smoking cauldron of black goo.